I have a hard time verbally expressing my emotions, always have. Over the years I have dealt with things such as festering anger, spontaneous age regressions and punishing with withdrawal, similar to my childhood. It then leaves me feeling lonesome, scared and like a shame based little girl. As a child, I started turning to food and or purging. It was something I felt I could control the outcome of, and it numbed my pain. Today, it is still my drug of choice to numb my pain.
This is the first step in healing and forgiving myself.
As a child, my food and eating disorder became my way of protecting myself and keeping myself safe. Over the years I have expanded on my disease and have self-abused in a very harsh way. I grew up with an angry and hurt child inside of me, and that child contaminates my adult behavior. Reclaiming and championing my inner child is what I am working on today.
As a child, my food and eating disorder became my way of protecting myself and keeping myself safe. Over the years I have expanded on my disease and have self-abused in a very harsh way. I grew up with an angry and hurt child inside of me, and that child contaminates my adult behavior. Reclaiming and championing my inner child is what I am working on today.
In healing & forgiveness, I am learning to love and accept all of the pieces of that little girl I isolated and squashed so I could be brave and fight my way through what felt scary and harmful. She deserves forgiveness and the ability to be who she dreamed of being. The adventurous, curious girl and an explorer of this interesting and beautiful world who would grow up to be strong, free and achieve amazing things.
I deserve love and acceptance from within, and these are my first steps forward in doing that.
<3
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